Episode Four: Owl-stretching time

Song ('And did those feet')
Art gallery
Art critic
It's a man's life in the modern army
Undressing in public
Secret Service dentists

Colour code: John Cleese - Michael Palin - Eric Idle - Graham Chapman - Terry Jones - Terry Gilliam - Carol Cleveland

A cliff. Suddenly the 'It's' man is thrown over it, landing on the shale beach beneath. Painfully he crawls towards the camera and announces:
It's Man It's...
Voice Over (and CAPTION:)
Singer in sprangly jacket sitting on high stool with guitar.
Singer (singing to the tune of Jerusalem) And did those teeth in ancient time...
Singer ... walk upon England's mountains green. (he stops playing) Good evening and welcome ladies and gentlemen. At this time we'd like to up the tempo a little, change the mood. We've got a number requested by Pip, Pauline, Nigel, Tarquin, and old Spotty - Tarquin's mother - a little number specially written for the pubescence of ex-King Zog of Albania, and it's entitled 'Art Gallery'. Hope you like it.
Interior of art gallery. Two figures enter. They are both middle-aged working mothers. Each holds the hand of an unseen infant who is beneath the range of the camera.
Janet 'Allo, Marge!
Marge Oh hello, Janet, how are you love?
Janet Fancy seeing you! How's little Ralph?
Marge Oh, don't ask me! He's been nothing but trouble all morning. Stop it Ralph! (she slaps at unseen infant) Stop it!
Janet Same as my Kevin.
Marge Really?
Janet Nothing but trouble ... leave it alone! He's just been in the Florentine Room and smeared tomato ketchup all over Raphael's Baby Jesus. (shouting off sharply) Put that Baroque masterpiece down!
Marge Well, we've just come from the Courtauld and Ralph smashed every exhibit but one in the Danish Contemporary Sculpture Exhibition.
Janet Just like my Kevin. Show him an exhibition of early eighteenth-century Dresden Pottery and he goes berserk. No, I said no, and I meant no! (smacks unseen infant again) This morning we were viewing the early Flemish Masters of the Renaissance and Mannerist Schools, when he gets out his black aerosol and squirts Vermeer's Lady At A Window!
Marge Still it's not as bad as spitting is it?
Janet (firmly) No, well Kevin knows (slaps the infant) that if he spits at a painting I'll never take him to an exhibition again.
Marge Ralph used to spit - he could hit a Van Gogh at thirty yards. But he knows now it's wrong - don't you Ralph? (she looks down) Ralph! Stop it! Stop it! Stop chewing that Turner! You are ... (she disappears from shot) You are a naughty, naughty, vicious little boy. (smack; she comes back into shot holding a copy of Turner's Fighting Temeraire in a lovely gilt frame but all tattered) Oh, look at that! The Fighting Temeraire - ruined! What shall I do?
Janet (taking control) Now don't do a thing with it love, just put it in the bin over there.
Marge Really?
Janet Yes take my word for it, Marge. Kevin's eaten most of the early nineteenth-century British landscape artists, and I've learned not to worry. As a matter of fact, I feel a bit peckish myself. (she breaks a bit off the Turner) Yes...
Marge also tastes a bit.
Marge I never used to like Turner.
Janet (swallowing) No ... I don't know much about art, but I know what I like.
Cut to a book-lined study. At a desk in front of the shelves sits an art critic with a mouthful of Utrillo.
Critic (taking out stringy bits as he speaks) Mmmm... (munches) Well I think Utrillo's brushwork is fantastic... (stifles burp) But he doesn't always agree with me ... (belches) Not after a Rubens, anyway ... all those cherries ... ooohh ... (suddenly looks down) Urgh! I've got Vermeer all down my shirt...
(Katya Wyeth)
(bringing in a water jug and glass on a tray and laying it on his desk) Watteau, dear?
Critic What a terrible joke.
Wife But it's my only line.
Critic (rising vehemently) All right! All right! But you didn't have to say it! You could have kept quiet for a change!
Wife cries.
Critic Oh, that's typical. Talk talk talk. Natter natter natter!
Cut back to singer.
Singer (singing) Bring me my arrows of desire ... Bring me my spear oh clouds unfold ... Bring me my chariot of fire.
A sexy girl (Katya Wyeth) enters and starts fondling him.


Cut to colonel: army recruitment posters on wall behind him.
Colonel Right, cut to me. As Officer Commanding the Regular Army's Advertising Division, I object, in the strongest possible terms to this obvious reference to our own slogan 'It's a dog's life... (correcting himself rapidly) a man's life in the modern army' and I warn this programme that any recurrence of this sloppy long-haired civilian plagiarism will be dealt with most severely. Right, now on the command 'cut', the camera will cut to camera two, all right, director... (cut to a man sitting at desk) Wait for it! (cut back to colonel) Camera cut. (cut to man; he has a Viking helmet on)
Man This is my only line. (catcalls) (defensively) Well, it's my only line.
Cut to a gentleman in striped blazer, boater and cricket flannels walking down to beach clutching towel and bathing trunks. He puts his towel on a breakwater next to another towel and starts to change. He suddenly looks up and we see everyone on the beach has turned to watch him - not with any disapproval - just a blank English stare. He grabs his towel off the breakwater and starts to take his trousers off under that. Girl in a bikini has been sitting on other side of the breakwater, stands up looking for her towel. She sees that the man is using it and she whisks it off him leaving him clutching his half-down trousers. Shot of everyone staring at him again. He pulls them up and makes for a beach hut... embarrassed. He goes into beach hut. Inside he is about to take his trousers off, when he becomes aware of a pair of feet which come up to the back of the beach hut - there is a 6-inch gap along bottom - and stop as if someone was peering through the crack. The man looks slightly outraged and pulls his trousers up, goes outside and edges cautiously round to the back of the beach hut. There he finds a man (Michael) bending close to the side of the beach hut with his hand to his face. The Gentleman kicks him hard in the seat of the pants. The man turns in obvious surprise, to reveal he was merely trying to light his cigarette out of the wind. The gentleman backs away with embarrassed apologies. We cut to the front of the beach hut to see gentleman backing round at the same time as a large matronly woman marches into the hut... the man follows her in. He is promptly thrown out on his ear. In desperation he looks around. On the promenade he suddenly sees an ice-cream van. He walks up to it, looks around, then nips behind to start changing. At the same time a policeman (Graham) strolls up to the ice-cream van and tells it to move on. The van drives off, exposing the gentleman clutching his trousers around his ankles. Close-up policeman's reaction. The man hurriedly pulls trousers up as policeman approaches him pulling out note book. Still covered in confusion he runs away from the policeman. In long shot we see him approach the commissionaire of the Royale Palace De Luxe Hotel. He whispers to the commissionaire, indicates by mime that he wants to take his trousers off. The commissionaire reacts to the gesture. The man nods. The commissionaire starts to take his trousers off. Man backs away once more in confusion - he has been misunderstood. Back on the beach again. He hides behind a pile of deckchairs. At that moment a beach party of jolly trippers arrive and each takes one. The deckchair pile rapidly disappears leaving the gentleman once again exposed. He dashes behind the deckchair attendant's hut which is next to him. Enter two workmen who dismantle it. Desperate by now he goes onto the pier. He goes into the amusement arcade, looking around furtively. Nips behind a 'what the butler saw' machine. Woman comes and puts penny in and starts to look, beckons over husband; he comes, looks in the machine, sees the man changing his trousers. They chase him off. Still pursued he nips into door. Finds himself in blackness. Relieved - at last he has found somewhere to change. He relaxes and starts to take his trousers off. Suddenly hears music and applause... curtains swishes back to reveal he is on stage of the pier pavilion. The audience applauds. Resigned to his fate, he breaks into stiptease routine.
Voice Over (and CAPTION:)
Cut to colonel
Colonel Quiet. Quiet. Now wait a minute. I have already warned this programme about infringing the Army copyright of our slogan 'It's a pig's life... man's life in the modern army'. And I'm warning you if it happens again, I shall come down on this programme like a ton of bricks... right. Carry on sergeant major.
A gym. Four men waiting there, with an ex-RSM type.
RSM Sir! Good evening, class.
All Good evening.
RSM Where's all the others, then?
All They're not here.
RSM I can see that. What's the matter with them?
All Don't know.
First Man Perhaps they've got flu.
RSM Flu...flu? They should eat more fresh fruit. (does terrible twitch or tic) Right. Now, self-defence. Tonight I shall be carrying on from where we got to last week when I was showing you how to defend yourselves against anyone who attacks you with armed with a piece of fresh fruit.
All (disappointed) Oh.
Second Man You promised you wouldn't do fruit this week.
RSM What do you mean?
Third Man We've done fruit the last nine weeks.
RSM What's wrong with fruit? You think you know it all, eh?
Second Man But couldn't we do something else, for a change?
Fourth Man Like someone who attacks you with a pointed stick?
RSM (scornfully) Pointed sticks? Ho, ho, ho. We want to learn how to defend ourselves against pointed sticks, do we? Getting all high and mighty, eh? Fresh fruit not good enough for you eh? Well I'll tell you something my lad. When you're walking home tonight and some great homicidal maniac comes after you with a bunch of loganberries, don't come crying to me! Now, the passion fruit. When your assailant lunges at you with a passion fruit, thus... (demonstrates)
All We've done the passion fruit.
RSM What?
First Man We've done the passion fruit.
Second Man We done oranges, apples, grapefruits.
Third Man Whole and segments.
Second Man Pomegranates, greengages.
First Man Grapes, passion fruit.
Second Man Lemons.
Third Man Plums.
First Man Yes, and mangoes in syrup.
RSM How about cherries?
All We done them.
RSM Red and black?
All Yes.
RSM All right then...bananas!
All Oh.
RSM We haven't done them, have we?
All No.
RSM Right! Bananas! How to defend yourself against a man armed with a banana. (to first man) Here, you, take this. (throws him a banana) Now, it's quite simple to defend yourself against the banana fiend. First of all, you force him to drop the banana, next, you eat the banana, thus disarming him. You have now rendered him helpless.
Second Man Suppose he's got a bunch.
RSM Shut up!
Fourth Man Supposing he's got a pointed stick.
RSM Shut up. Right now you, Mr Apricot.
First Man Harrison.
RSM Harrison, Mr. Harrison. Come at me with that banana then. Come on attack me with it. As hard as you like. Come on. (Harrison moves towards him rather half-heartedly) No no no. Put something into it for God's sake. Hold it, like that. Scream. Now come on, come on...attack me, come on, come on (Harrison runs towards him shouting; RSM draws a revolver and fires it, right in Harrison's face; Harrison dies immediately, falling to the ground; RSM puts gun away and walks to banana) Now...I eat the banana.
He does so; the rest of the class gather around Mr Harrison's body
All You shot him. He's dead...dead. He's completely dead. You've shot him.
RSM (finishing the banana) I have now eaten the banana. The deceased Mr Apricot is now disarmed.
Second Man You shot him. You shot him dead.
RSM Well, he was attacking me with a banana.
Third Man Well, you told him to.
RSM Look, I'm only doing me job. I have to show you how to defend yourselves against fresh fruit.
Fourth Man And pointed sticks.
RSM Shut up.
Second Man Supposing someone came at you with a banana and you haven't got a gun?
RSM Run for it.
Third Man You could stand and scream for help.
RSM You try that with a pineapple down your windpipe.
Third Man A pineapple?
RSM (jumping with fear) Where? Where?
Third Man Nowhere. I was just saying pineapple.
RSM Oh blimey. I thought my number was on that one.
Third Man (amazed) What, on the pineapple?
RSM (jumping) Where? Where?
Third Man No I was just repeating it.
RSM Oh. Oh. Right. That's the banana then. Next... the raspberry. (pulling one out of pocket) Harmless looking thing, isn't it? Now you, Mr Tinned Peach...
Third Man Thompson.
RSM Mr Thompson, come at me with that raspberry then. Come on, be as vicious as you like with it.
Third Man No.
RSM Why not?
Third Man You'll shoot me.
RSM I won't.
Third Man You shot Mr. Harrison.
RSM That was self-defence. Come on. I promise I won't shoot you.
Fourth Man You promised you'd tell us about pointed sticks.
RSM Shut up. Now. Brandish that...brandish that raspberry. Come on, be as vicious as you like with it. Come on.
Third Man No. Throw the gun away.
RSM I haven't got a gun.
Third Man Oh yes, you have.
RSM I haven't.
Third Man You have. You shot Mr Harrison with it.
RSM Oh... that gun.
Third Man Throw it away.
RSM All right. (throws it away) How to defend yourself against a raspberry, without a gun.
Third Man You were going to shoot me!
RSM I wasn't.
Third Man You were.
RSM Wasn't. Come on, come on you worm...you miserable little man. Come at me then...come on, do your worst, you worm. (third man runs at him; the RSM steps back and pulls a lever; a sixteen-ton weight falls upon the man) If anyone ever attacks you with a raspberry, simply pull the lever...and a sixteen-ton weight will drop on his head. I learnt that in Malaya.
Second Man Suppose you haven't got a sixteen-ton weight?
RSM Well that's planning, isn't it? Forethought.
Second Man How many sixteen-ton weights are there?
RSM Look...look, smarty pants, the sixteen-ton weight is just one way of dealing with the raspberry killer. There are millions of others!
Fourth Man Like what?
RSM Shoot him.
Second Man Well, supposing you haven't got a gun or a sixteen-ton weight?
RSM All right clever dick, all right clever dick. You two, come at me with raspberries, there you are, a whole basket each. Come on, come at me with them, then.
Second Man No gun?
Second Man No sixteen-ton weight?
Fourth Man No pointed stick?
RSM Shut up.
Second Man No rocks up in the ceiling?
Second Man You won't kill us.
RSM I won't kill you.
Second Man Promise.
RSM I promise I won't kill you. Now, are you going to attack me?
Second Man and Fourth Man All right.
RSM Right, now don't rush me this time. I'm going to turn me back. So you can stalk me...right. Come up as quietly as you can, right, close up behind me, then, in with the raspberries, right? Start moving (they start to creep up behind him) Now...the first thing to do when you are being stalked by an ugly mob with raspberries, is to...release the tiger. (he presses button and a tiger flashes past him in direction of second and fourth men; cries are heard from them as well as roaring) The great advantage of the tiger in unarmed combat is that it not only eats the raspberry-laden foe but also the raspberries. The tiger, however, do not relish the peach. The peach assailant should be attacked with a crocodile. (he turns to lok at the scene) Right...I know you're there - lurking under the floorboards with your damsons and your prunes...now, the rest of you - I know you're hiding behind the wall bars with your quinces. Well I'm ready for you. I've wired myself up to two hundred tons of gelignite, and if any one of you so much as tries anything we'll all go up together! I've warned you...I warned you, right. That's it...
Big explosion.
ANIMATION: Ends with cut-out animation of sedan chair; matching shot links into next film.
Cut to deserted beach. Sedan chair arrives at deserted beach. Flunkey opens the door. Gentleman gets out in his eighteenth-century finery. The flunkeys help him to change into a lace-trimmed striped bathing costume. He then gets back into the sedan chair and they all trot off onto the sea.
Cut to singer in bed with woman. Singer reclining with guitar.
Singer And did those feet in ancient times, walk upon England's mountains green...we'd like to alter the mood a little, we'd like to bring you something for mum and dad, Annie, and Roger, Mazarin and Louis and all at Versailles, it's a little number calld 'England's Mountains Green'. Hope you like it. And did those feet in ancient time...
Cut to a man standing in the countryside.
Man (rustic accent) Yes, you know it's a man's life in England's Mountain Green.
Colonel Right I heard that, I heard that, I'm going to stop this sketch now, and if there's any more of this, I'm going to stop the whole programme. I thought it was supposed to be about teeth anyway. Why don't you do something about your teeth - go on. (walk off)
Man What about my rustic monologue?...I'm not sleeping with that producer again.
Cut to film of various sporting activities, wild west stage coach etc.
Voice Over (with big music, excited) Excitement, drama, action, violence, fresh fruit. Passion. Thrills. Spills. Romance. Adventure, all the things you can read about in a book.
Cut to bookshop. A bookseller is standing behind the counter. Arthur enters the shot and goes up to the counter. The bookseller jumps and look about furtively.
Bookseller Er... oh!
Arthur Good morning, I'd like to buy a book please.
Bookseller Oh, well I'm afraid we don't have any. (trying to hide them)
Arthur I'm sorry?
Bookseller We don't have any books. We're fresh out of them. Good morning.
Arthur Well what are all these?
Bookseller All what? Oh! All these, ah ah ha ha. Your referring to these ... books.
Arthur Yes.
Bookseller They're um ... they're all sold. Good morning.
Arthur What all of them?
Bookseller Every single man Jack of them. Not a single one of them in an unsold state. Good morning.
Arthur Who to?
Bookseller What?
Arthur Who are they sold to?
Bookseller Oh ... various ... good Lord is that the time? Oh my goodness I must close for lunch.
Arthur It's only half past ten.
Bookseller Ah yes, well I feel rather peckish ... very peckish actually, I don't expect I'll open again today. I think I'll have a really good feed. I say! Look at that lovely bookshop just across the road there, they've got a much better selection than we've got, probably at ridiculously low prices ... just across the road there. (he has the door open) Good morning.
Arthur But I was told to come here.
Bookseller (bundling him back in) Well. Well, I see. Er ... (very, carefully) hear the gooseberries are doing well this year... and so are the mangoes. (winks)
Arthur I'm sorry?
Bookseller Er .,. oh . .. I was just saying ... thinking of the weather.. I hear the gooseberries are doing well this year... and so are the mangoes.
Arthur Mine aren't
Bookseller (nodding keenly, with anticipation) Go on...
Arthur What?
Bookseller Go on - mine aren't ... but...
Arthur What?
Bookseller Aren't you going to say something about 'mine aren't but the Big Cheese gets his at low tide tonight'?
Arthur No.
Bookseller Oh, ah, good morning, (starts to bundle him out then stops) Wait. Who sent you?
Arthur The little old lady in the sweet shop.
Bookseller She didn't have a duelling scar just here ... and a hook?
Arthur No.
Bookseller Of course not, I was thinking of somebody else. Good morning.
Arthur Wait a minute, there's something going on here.
Bookseller (spinning round.) What, where? You didn't see anything did you?
Arthur No, but I think there's something going on here.
Bookseller No no, well there's nothing going on here at all (shouts off) and he didn't see anything. Good morning.
Arthur (coming back into shop) There is something going on.
Bookseller Look there is nothing going on. Please believe me, there is abso... (a hand comes into view behind Arthur's back; Bookseller frantically waves at it to disappear; it does so) . . . lutely nothing going on. Is there anything going on?
A man appears, fleetingly: he is Van der Berg (Dick Vosburgh)
Van der Berg No there's nothing going on. (disappears)
Bookseller See there's nothing going on.
Arthur Who was that?
Bookseller That was my aunt, look what was this book you wanted then? Quickly! Quickly!
Arthur Oh, well, I'd like to buy a copy of an 'Illustrated History of False Teeth'.
Bookseller My God you've got guts.
Arthur What?
Bookseller (pulling gun) Just how much do you know?
Arthur What about?
Bookseller Are you from the British Dental Association?
Arthur No I'm a tobacconist.
Bookseller Get away from that door.
Arthur I'll just go over the other...
Bookseller Stay where you are. You'll never leave this bookshop alive.
Arthur Why not?
Bookseller You know too much, my dental friend.
Arthur I don't know anything.
Bookseller Come clean. You're a dentist aren't you.
Arthur No, I'm a tobacconist.
Bookseller A tobacconist who just happens to be buying a book on ...teeth?
Arthur Yes.
Bookseller Ha ha ha ha...
Lafarge enters room with gun. He is swarthy, French, dressed all in black and menacing.
Lafarge Drop that gun, Stapleton.
Bookseller Lafarge! (he drops the gun)
Arthur There is something going on.
Bookseller No there isn't.
Lafarge OK Stapleton, this is it. Where's Mahoney hidden the fillings?
Bookseller What fillings?
Lafarge You know which fillings, Stapleton. Upper right two and four, lower right three and two lower left one. Come on. (he threatens with the gun) Remember what happened to Nigel.
Arthur What happened to Nigel?
Bookseller Orthodontic Jake gave him a gelignite mouth wash.
Arthur I knew there was something going on.
Bookseller Well there isn't.
Lafarge Come on Stapleton. The fillings!
Bookseller They're at 22 Wimpole Street.
Lafarge Don't play games with me! (pokes bookseller in eye with the gun)
Bookseller Oh, oh, 22a Wimpole Street.
Lafarge That's better.
Bookseller But you'll need an appointment.
Lafarge OK (shouting out of shop) Brian! Make with the appointment baby. No gas.
Van der Berg appears with machine gun and a nurse (Carol), he is basically dressed as a dentist. But with many rings, chains, wristlets, cravats, buckled shoes and an ear-ring.
Van der Berg Not so fast Lafarge!
Lafarge Van der Berg!
Van der Berg Yes. Now drop the roscoe.
Arthur There is something going on.
Bookseller No there isn't.
Van der Berg Get the guns.
The nurse runs forward, picks up the gun and puts it on steel surgeon's tray, and covers it with a white cloth, returning it to Van der Berg.
Arthur Who's that?
Bookseller That's Van der Berg. He's on our side.
Van der Berg All right, get up against the wall Lafarge, and you too Stapleton.
Bookseller Me?
Van der Berg Yes, you!
Bookseller You dirty double-crossing rat.
Arthur (going with Bookseller) What's happened?
Bookseller He's two-timed me.
Arthur Bad luck.
Van der Berg All right ... where are the fillings? Answer me, where are they?
Arthur This is quite exciting.
Brian enters carrying a bazooka. Brian is dressed in operating-theatre clothes, gown, cap and mask, with rubber gloves and white wellingtons.
Brian Not so fast.
All Brian!
Arthur Ooh, what's that?
The Others It's a bazooka.
Brian All right. Get against the wall Van der Berg ... and you nurse. And the first one to try anything moves to a practice six feet underground ... this is an anti-tank gun ... and it's loaded ...and you've just got five seconds to tell me ... whatever happened to Baby Jane?
All What?
Brian Oh ... I'm sorry ... my mind was wandering ... I've had a terrible day... I really have ... you've got five seconds to tell me... I've forgotten. I've forgotten.
Bookseller The five seconds haven't started yet have they?
Van der Berg Only we don't know the question.
Arthur Was it about Vogler?
Brian No, no... no ... you've got five seconds to tell me...
Van der Berg About Nigel?
Brian No.
Lafarge Bronski?
Brian No. No.
Arthur The fillings!
Brian Oh yes, the fillings, of course. How stupid of me. Right, you've got five seconds ... (clears throat) Where are the fillings? Five, four, three, two, one, Zero! (there is a long pause, Brian has forgotten to fire the bazooka but he can't put his finger on what has gone wrong) Zero! (looks at gun) Oh! I've forgotten to fire it. Sorry. Silly day. Very well. (quite rapidly) Five, four, three, two, one.
A panel slides back and the Big Cheese appears in sight seated in adentist's chair. The Big Cheese is in dentist's gear, wears evil magnifing type glasses and strokes a rabbit lying on his lap.
Big Cheese Drop the bazooka Brian.
All The Big Cheese!
Brian drops the bazooka.
Big Cheese I'm glad you could all come to my little ... party. And Flopsy's glad too, aren't you, Flopsy? (he holds rabbit up as it does not reply) Aren't you Flopsy? (no reply again so he pulls a big revolver out and fires at rabbit from point-blank range) That'll teach you to play hard to get. There, poor Flopsy's dead. And never called me mother. And soon ... you will all be dead, dead, dead, dead. (the crowd start to hiss him) And because I'm so evil you'll all die the slow way ... under the drill.
Arthur lt's one o'clock.
Big Cheese So it is. Lunch break, everyone back here at two.
They, all happily relax and walk off. Arthur surreptitiously goes to telephone and, making sure nobody is looking, calls.
Arthur Hallo ... give me the British Dental Association ... and fast.
Cut to Arthur dressed normally as dentist leaning over patient in chair. He looks up to camera.
Arthur You see, I knew there was something going on. Of course, the Big Cheese made two mistakes. First of all he didn't recognize me: Lemming, Arthur Lemming, Special Investigator, British Dental Association, and second ... (to patient) spit ... by the time I got back from lunch I had every dental surgeon in SW1 waiting for them all in the broom cupboard. Funny isn't it, how naughty dentists always make that one fatal mistake. Bye for now ... keep your teeth clean.
Cut to photo of Arthur Lemming


Over this we hear a song which Graham knows the tune of.
Song (Voice over pre-recorded) Lemming, Lemming ... Lemming of the BDA .. Lemming, Lemming ... Lemming of the BD ...Lemming of the BD ... BD, BDA.
Voice Over (and CAPTION:)
Colonel (knocking the photo aside) Right! No, I warned you, no, I warned you about the slogan, right. That's the end. Stop the programme! Stop it.
Cut to referee blowing whistle.
The 'It's' man, lying on beach. is poked with a stick from off-screen. He gets up and limps away.


End titles finishes as the 'It's' man reaches the top of the cliff and disappears. As soon as he has disappeared we hear:
Voice Over Ah! Got you my lad. Still acting eh? Over you go!
'It's' man reappears hurled back over cliff.